Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
