Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
