I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
