I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
