Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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