I have demons in me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
