And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
