Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
