No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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