i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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