So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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