Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
