Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
