oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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