Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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