You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i came on her dog
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
3pm strippers are depressing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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