Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize