I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
