Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
