Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Text me some of your sweat
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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