let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
