Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
