Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
