There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
