You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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