how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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