I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She bit a glass in half.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
