You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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