he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
