I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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