What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
