u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
