We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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