I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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