I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
