No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
