there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
