I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
