She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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