I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
