pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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