And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He felt like a one man threesome
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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