Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
