we're chasing vodka with high fives
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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