Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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