I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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