she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
