Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
