something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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