My friends, they love my intelligence
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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