I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize