After last night, I could never be a politician.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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