He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
