I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
