spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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