he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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