I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
