my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
