I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
