OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
