dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
